


Die On This Hill

by phidari



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alaska, Denali (NOT Mount McKinley), Fuck You Ralph Regula, Gen, Jossed, Political Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 14:45:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3213002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phidari/pseuds/phidari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ohio seems to think he owns the hill in Alaska's backyard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Die On This Hill

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been into Hetalia since the days when it was still just an indie webcomic, but I was hit with inspiration for this recently and as a former Alaskan I couldn't not follow through.

As she ascended the last few feet, Alaska pulled up the hood of her parka to protect herself from the icy winds. Finally she looked down from atop the gigantic hill, surveying her backyard in satisfaction. If there was one thing she knew, it was that she had the largest, most beautiful property in the entire neighborhood. And that included the largest hill, too. She clutched her sled in both hands eagerly.

But she had one thing left to do first.

"You need a name," she mused to the hill. "Something good. Something majestic! Let me think... Aha! I'll call you Denali!"

"Um, excuse me."

Alaska looked around in confusion. She didn't _think_ there was anybody else in her yard with her. There weren't many people who lived with her, after all.

"Um, I'm over here!" She caught sight of a boy standing on the other side of the fence.

"Who are you?" Alaska called. "What do you want?"

"I'm Ohio, and Denali is a stupid name!" the boy replied.

"Um, no it's not! It means _the high one_. And this hill is reeeally high!" She held her hand up above her head to emphasize her point.

"So what? You should call it Mount McKinley," said Ohio.

"Um, why?"

"Because there's this guy named McKinley who used to live at my house, and he was really cool!"

"Uh... okay, that's nice," Alaska conceded, "but this is my yard and my hill so I'm just gonna go ahead and call it Denali."

Ignoring Ohio's cries of protest, Alaska sat down on her sled and went zipping down Denali.

Surely that would be the end of that stupid argument. Right?

* * *

The next morning, Alaska was interrupted from her breakfast by the doorbell ringing. She hushed her barking husky -- what _was_ it with dogs and doorbells? -- and went to see who it was.

Washington was standing on the porch. That was a surprise; Washington may have been her closest neighbor, but she lived far enough away from anyone else that that wasn't really saying much. Hardly anybody ever came over to visit, not even him.

"Hi!" Alaska said with a smile. "What's up, Washington?"

"I heard you have this really big hill in your backyard. Can we go sledding?"

"Um, it doesn't look like you brought a sled..."

"No, I don't have one," Washington admitted. "But you've probably got tons of extras, right?"

He had a point. She sort of had a thing for sleds. "You're gonna need a warmer coat, too," Alaska pointed out. "It's freezing out! How did you even make it here without getting frostbite?"

Alaska led Washington inside and got him all set up, then took him out to the backyard. He gaped up at Denali, eyes wide, and dropped the sled she'd handed him. "Whoa..."

Alaska turned her nose skyward. "Isn't it great?"

"It's even bigger than I imagined! You're so lucky to have Mount McKinley in your backyard, Alaska."

"Right? I--" Wait. What?

Washington was already running toward Denali, but Alaska ran after him and grabbed him by the hand. "It's not McKinley, it's Denali! Were you talking to that idiot Iowa?"

"I don't think so," Washington said. "I think his name was Idaho?"

"Whatever! Whatever his name is, he just randomly tried to name _my_ hill after some guy from _his_ house. Don't listen to him."

"Okay, okay, sheesh. Let's just climb it!"

They climbed Denali and sledded down it, and Alaska supposed they should have been having fun, but a sense of unease gnawed at her for the rest of the day.

* * *

As Alaska hung her coat up on the coat rack at school the following Monday, a number of her classmates swarmed around her.

"Like, we heard about that hill in your yard!" California gushed.

"Do you really get to climb it any time you want?" Oregon asked.

"I wish I had something like Mount McKinley in _my_ yard..." Kansas said wistfully.

"Whoa, whoa!" Alaska held her hands up to shield herself. "Yeah, I do, but it's not called--"

"Cool!" everyone exclaimed.

"It's probably nothing compared to Mauna Kea," Hawai'i protested, but nobody listened to her.

"Can we see Mount McKinley? Can we, can we, pleeeease?" Oregon asked.

"No, because it's not _called_ \--"

"Wow, total bummer," California scoffed. "Like, you jerk."

"Will you just listen to me!"

"Why won't you let us see the hill?" Oregon whinged.

"You can see it if you want!" Although right now, Alaska was seriously questioning the merits of letting any of these people anywhere near her house. "It's just that it's not called McKinley, it's called Denali!"

"Really? But I thought it was named after some really important historical figure," said Kansas.

"That's just something Iowa decided by himself. It's really called Denali, okay?"

"I don't know," Pennsylvania spoke up. "You should have some respect for tradition, you know?"

Alaska's heart sunk. "It's not that I don't respect tradition, it's just--"

"Then why don't you want it to be called McKinley?"

"Because it's my hill, okay?!" Alaska snapped.

"Um, wow." Oregon raised an eyebrow and stepped backward. "Let's go, you guys. I don't know what her problem is, but..."

The crowd dispersed, leaving Alaska standing there alone. She kicked the wall. "Ugh, Iowa, I hate you so much!"

A girl who'd come over to hang up her coat shrunk back timidly. "Um, what did I do?"

* * *

For a kid who was still in elementary school, right now Alaska felt like a tired old woman.

Fortunately, she had a hot spring.

The first thing she did when she got home from school was go take a soak. As she lowered herself into the steaming water, she could feel her worries melting away. This whole "McKinley" thing was really stupid, but it would blow over in, like, a day tops.

Alaska sighed and leaned back against the wall. "Yeah, everyone'll forget about this soon," she said. "And in the meantime, _I_ get to have Denali all to myself."

"Um, excuse me."

Alaska shrieked. When her eyes flew open, there was Ohio sitting on the other side of the spring. He was waving a toy airplane around in the air.

"What are you doing here?!"

"I'm _reminding_ you that it's called Mount McKinley," he said smugly. "Everyone at school knows it by that name so you should just give it up, Alaska."

"No way! Get out of my house!"

"Admit that it's Mount McKinley!"

"Never!" She climbed out of the water and stormed out of the sauna.

What would it take to get _through_ to that creep?!

* * *

"A day tops" turned out to be a little optimistic.

A week later, everyone was still gushing about that really cool hill in Alaska's backyard that was totally named Mount McKinley. And every time she even so much as said the _word_ Denali, Ohio couldn't help but pop up and go, "Um, _excuse_ me." She was getting sick of it.

But at the same time, it gave her an idea.

After school let out, Alaska rushed home. She made for the highest point of her house, a balcony called Ignaluk that jutted outward from the western wing. (Some weirdo named Denmark insisted on calling it "Little Diomede" and had even convinced America to go along with it, but fortunately that didn't come up as often as the Denali/McKinley thing.) Everyone had always said her house was shaped weirdly, but she liked it. It was home.

She leaned out over the railing and uttered one, single word. "Denali."

"Um, excuse me!"

She glanced back over her shoulder to see an enraged Ohio standing behind her. "Yeah?"

"It's _called_ Mount McKinley!" Ohio exploded. "How many times do I have to tell you this before you get it through your head?!"

"Okay, but you know what's more important than that?"

"What?"

Alaska pointed out over the railing to the field that bordered her property. There stood a tall, creepy man with blond hair and a big nose. He had a very unsettling look in his eyes.

He grinned and waved to Ohio, who shrieked and bolted.

Nobody ever believed Alaska when she said she could see Russia from her house. That just made it all the more satisfying when they found out it was true.

* * *

"So, Alaska, can we come over and see Mount McKinley?" Washington asked the next day at recess.

"I think you mean Denali."

"I thought it was McKinley?" Kansas asked.

Alaska glared over at Ohio, who stiffened up in fear. "Uh... yeah, it's Denali," he squeaked.

Everyone gasped.

Alaska smirked. "See? I told you. Sure, you can all come see it. Dress warm and bring a sled."


End file.
